My Journey

When I ended “To Girls Worldwide: My 5 Mistakes”, everyone was looking for my recovery and my new life. I’m going to admit; I couldn’t write about the “new me” or my “new life”. I realized what all my mistakes were and I knew what I had to do to fix them, but I still had obstacles in my way. I thought I was starting to overcome an experience I never wanted to go through again. Instead, I listened to my heart and made the same mistakes again. My heart was tied up in a relationship that, truthfully I wasn’t ready to let go of, no matter how much I said I was. The very person who caused my pain, was the very person to take the same pain away. It was and is an indescribable feeling. It’s hard to come to reality when all you’ve ever known is to love with your heart. I asked God the other day to give me physical proof that this relationship wasn’t for me and to take control. It’s not that I didn’t believe in him and his power, I just could no longer depend on myself to make my choice on whether to stay or go. Never underestimate his power because I got much more than what I asked for. I lost my lover, but I lost my best friend, someone I thought I’d have no matter what. I lost someone I’d give my life for only to realize that he didn’t feel the same way. It kills me inside to know that my all wasn’t enough. Life is hard and nothing is promised. There will be times where you feel like you can’t move on. Everyone will tell you that everything will be okay. Little do they know that you understand you’ll be okay at some point, but in this moment right now, you’re not okay. You’re hurting, you’re lost and you’re trying to put everything back together. I feel like I’m battling to find happiness and my calling in life, but most importantly I’m battling to find myself. I write this because I’m healing, but I write this because I’m human. I’m bound to make mistakes and I’m bound to get hurt, it’s life. This is my therapy and this is my journey… What’s yours?