An Open Letter to Girls Worldwide: My 5 Mistakes
This is an open letter that I want to dedicate to all the young women around the world. My name is Chelsea Sinclair and much like you, trying to figure out this roller coaster called life. We’re all human beings, all going down different paths, but often times going through the same struggle of life. You’re either beginning high school, in the middle of your high school career, or just beginning your college career and each and every phase brings something new. You’re finding yourself, getting ready to take on the next phase of your life while trying to balance a social life, school and boys. As much as it may feel like at times it’s too much for you to handle all at once, you are not alone. There is always someone willing to listen and help you. As much as you’re going to hear from adults in your life that you’ll have time for boys later in life, we as young naive girls, who think we know everything, never listen.
At a very young age, I felt alone and trapped in my own skin. I wasn’t happy with myself and I wasn’t happy with my life. I knew what I wanted to do with my life that was fitting for that point in time because as young girls we have big dreams. I just didn’t know how to get there and it was so frustrating. So I looked for a way to escape that “stuck feeling”. I looked for something to take my mind off of it. I thought having a boyfriend at the age of 14 would help me escape and that was my first mistake. Someone to care of me, love me, give me attention and take away all my fears. What more could I have asked for. Not only was he older, but with age comes maturity and our levels of thinking were on two different levels. Now I look back and it was the wrong idea, it was actually the worst idea, but I learned so much from it, that I have learned to accept it. I was fortunate enough that it benefitted my growth mentally and emotionally after I was done with the relationship. Although, some girls may be scarred by early experiences and often blame themselves for all the wrong doing. Once again, you are not alone, you are not the only one going through this and you won’t be the last to go through this, is something I reminded myself frequently. I was manipulated, verbally abused and emotionally distraught. He made me feel as if he was my only option and I ultimately felt like there was no way out, once again trapped. Not only in my own skin, but in a relationship that I felt the need to continue with because I felt like I wouldn’t get the attention from anyone else. I said to myself that when we were on good terms we were happy, so I would just have to take the good with the bad and that was my second mistake. Never ever settle! You are worth so much more than the situation you’re in and you are worth so much more than the person you’re involved with. If he doesn’t give you everything you’re worthy of, then it’s not worth it. My third mistake was waiting for change. Often times we give several chances because we don’t want to give up on everything we tried to build. One thing I learned throughout my life is if someone does wrong by you once, there’s nothing stopping them from doing wrong by you a second time. Know your worth, know that you are an asset to this world, and know that no one is in control of you, but you. You have the world at your fingertips. Don’t let anything get in the way of reaching for and accomplishing your goals.
At this point in time, after had said all of this it may seem like I have everything together and I wish I could say I do, but I don’t. It was a ripple effect, one after the other and I felt like it was needed because it became the “norm” to have a boyfriend. A few years ago I met someone who at the time I never would’ve guessed that he would change my life forever. I fell in love for the first time. When we’re young, people often don’t believe that we can be in love. There’s no age where you can begin the act of loving, it’s natural and it’s timeless. I never allowed anyone to try and tell me how I felt for someone, so never let someone belittle your feelings. Once again there was an age gap, but this time our maturity is the same and were on the same page mentally. We were inseparable for the first 5 months. We were texting and calling 24/7 and when we weren’t, we were together. I guess you can say this is my first “real” relationship so it was something I was new to, but something I was adjusting to nicely. Fast forward and I am getting ready to close a major chapter of my life. My graduation day was one of a kind and something I’ll never be able to redo. I hadn’t heard from him, he wasn’t in attendance at the ceremony and slowly, but surely I felt my whole world crashing down on me. How could someone I counted on, someone I trusted my heart with hurt me the most. Monday morning the next week at 6:00am, I got a text from the one person I was missing the most and it wasn’t what I was expecting. “I’ve been involved with someone else” is what the text message said. What do I reply, what am I going to do, what happened, and what did I do wrong was what ran through my mind all at the same time. While I tried to hold back what felt like a monsoon of tears. Right there and then I made my fourth mistake and not following too far behind was my fifth. The first thing I did was blame myself. I did right by him the whole time. I put time and effort into our relationship and as long as I know now, I tried my best and that was all that mattered. I hoped it would work out for the best, but it was something that I was so incapable of fixing that I had to leave it in God’s hands after a while. Not too long after I went back, I forgave him, and I picked up the pieces to my heart and put them back together myself. I didn’t want to lose the one person I truly loved, unconditionally. I wasn’t weak, I was lost. I thought this time it would be different. Maya Angelou stated it perfectly when she said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time”. It didn’t take long for the same thing to happen again, this time not as surprised as last time, but definitely still hurt. When you’re young you think you have all the answers until reality hits you and that’s not the case. At one point I felt crazy because my emotions where everywhere. I was crying out for help, but no one could see and that’s the worst feeling. I felt like I was suffocating in my own body. I felt alone, betrayed and I felt like life wouldn’t go on. How do I pick up and try and forget the last two years of my life? I fought with myself inside emotionally, it wasn’t easy, but no one ever said it would be.
If I ever thought, I was weak and incapable of overcoming my pain because of these experiences, I no longer feel that way. I decided to share this so that girls like you can understand that things will happen in your life where you feel stuck, alone and in need of help. It’s all temporary, I promise. It took of all that to show me that I lost myself, I lowered my standards and that I needed to focus on myself to find myself and my happiness all over again. In this I hope you see that I’m just like you, filled with flaws, insecurities, hopes and dreams. Most importantly, I hope you see and understand that we as women were born with strength to thrive under any circumstances…
C. Sinclair